Recipe to Laziness by Chef Sujay

Some Voice

Hello and welcome dear friends to our latest show Dimaag Khana, TOday we have a very special recipe, which can be enjoyed and prepared by all ages but before that let us call upon our chef Sujay Hande.

Applause

Chef Sujay

Thank you, Friends today I am going to prepare a rather favorite dish of mankind. It is sublime, It is subtle, It is spicy, everyone has it at one point or the other and when you have it you are in a trance let me introduce to you Laziness

Applause with some whistle (This recipe is amongst the favorites list)

Before starting let me warn you this recipe can be harmful if had excessively so I strictly recommend Parental Guidance (PG) for children

So lets us start we need some ingredients, they are as follows:

500 gms Stupidity

(I knw u must be having a lot of that but please use according to the measurements)

1 kg of idle time*

3 tbspoon Laid back attitude

1 Facebook or orkut page ( preferably FB it tastes better)

200 gms The Art of saying YES to everything and never denying any work** (I know you might be confused but i will explain it later)

* Idle time might not be readily available in today's world therefore you need to prepare it by refusing to do any work whatsoever that comes to you. The trick is not to refuse the work on the face but on the contrary always be enthusiastic about it and still never do it. Their would be jerks around you, who will readily do it thus giving you lot of IDLE TIME.

Let us start with our recipe

Basic Funda of laziness:

#1 Laziness is in the head and never a physical experience

#2 You should be so lazy that you wont even try to be lazy

#3 Laziness should not be limited to, not doing the work (as this can be temporary) but a true lazy human wont do it himself and make others do his work

Yes though Laziness is contagious you should avoid spreading it as it can backfire

#4 Never attend any physical exercise session (for eg. Gym, park rounds) though i have said that laziness is in the mind but people will tag you lazy only when you refuse to do physical exercise.

#5 People should tag you lazy, a self proclaimed lazy doesn't have any value in this bad bad world

Please add all the ingredients given above, add them in the right proportions and let it stay in your head for some time don't boil it or fry it or add any emotion to it... It tastes better when emotionless.

Point of being lazy is that, you should be lazy enough even in emoting yourself for eg. A lazy person like me will never emote cause it takes a hell lot of effort to think about a feeling and emote it. I am known to be a lazy since my childhood thus you can trust my authenticity

If you want to check whether your preparation is rite then just sit idle and if you fail to realise how your time has passed voila you have Laziness here.

Every thought of being lazy will add to your lazy credits. The lazy credits committee wont award you anything as they themselves are Aalshi (i.e. Lazy in marathi) i love this word...its so useless and gives the right emotion of being lazy...coming back to the credits you will recieve credits for every lazy thought...i.e playing video game instead of outdoor game will give you 1/2 point (let me tell u it is rally hard to collect lazy credits) But try your best Bestof LUCK

Applause

Brief Note about Laziness:

Laziness has been with mankind since its monkey days, but todays bad world has made it a sort of taboo. The MAN is making it worse everyday by competing with each other and working long hours. We the lazy few should unite and revolt against this system (but revolting will take away our title of being lazy) so now what? ab kya kare? aata kay karaycha? ave su karvanu?

Sad sarangi Music in the Background

I think we will perish in this world thus this recipe is the last option of our race's survival

Disclaimer:

The Author is a tagged lazy thus authenticating his work. He has written a blog after 11 months adding to the his Laziness Credits which now stand at 56324 points and still counting. Author being too lazy has refused to write further and clarify the unexplained asterisks(**)

Thy Oxygen

Friendship…what an emotion or phrase or God knows what…each and everyone has a friend or has that small little bond or bridge called friendship…these people come in all sizes and colours…but whatever be their looks ugly or smart…these people are the most beautiful people in our life…friends are the only people which we choose to be associated in our life. Otherwise God sends us with a readymade package of fixed relatives.I think God has this list to be included with every baby i.e. 2-Parents, 4- Grandparents, 4- cousins and the list is endless he sticks that list and then calls for next baby…sometimes we don’t even meet everyone included in the list so God please make that list a bit precise for your next package...but God includes this blank paper with you when you are born this list is to be filled with the people you want to be associated with or in simple words with friends…when you die either u die with the blank page (i.e.no friends) or fully fill it up..I prefer the second option...I know there will be many cancellations in this list, some from my side while other from the friends side but this cancellation is the worst part of being friends (for people who hate such symbolic talk—I am talking about breaking up of friendship or dosti main darrar whichever is easy to understand) this parting of friends starts from age 2 when u are friend with a small baby who has come to visit your house and then after a short friendship of 2 hrs that baby leaves..1st name written on the paper and immediately cut-off… this goes on for life…but then at a particular age (I don’t when) it just happens that this friends become life…for every decision in our life we have a friend some though speak very rarely but they talk a lot through their silence..Their presence is enough to go through the most difficult times…some act as your parents…while others act as brothers…as if the relatives list created by God is non-existent during the phase… the most funny thing about friendship is that it gives the biggest adrenaline rush which can’t be given by any drug or alcohol…imagine yourself with alcohol but without your friends(I don’t drink so I have never experienced this but still I knw..dnt ask me why?)I think I am addicted to friendship…one of the very few addictions not considered bad (hopefully).Actually I am not a very people’s person nor I am I the best friend anyone would ever get actually I am the worst…hopefully they don’t have a worst friend award…coz I do every and anything to deserve this award from forgetting their birthdays to never gifting them anything to make them feel happy..yeah I know u would say that they should kill me for this but then you are dealing with a different species called friends…instead of hitting me some of them take the pains of reminding me the birthdays of others while others remind me their own birthdays and I bluntly wish them…hehehe…I knw remembering birthdays is not the ultimate sign of friendship but then please take it as a representation of friendship so u can say friends like oxygen to me and I always keep on giving CO2 on them.I have always wondered what do they see in me to keep my name in their list…I mean why would anyone with normal senses bear a person like me at least I wouldn’t have (sorry for being so selfish). Like many questions i.e. why does earth revolve around sun and not the other way round or whether there is life after death? This question of why 2 human become friends or why does anyone become friend to a person like me will remain unanswered…once a friend told me that I am an adventurer searching for something in every friendship and when I find it I move on to next friend…I realized this selfish attitude of mine and my question intensified more i.e. why choose me as a friend and the answer will remain unanswered till eternity but still I will try my best to fill my friends list..maybe someday I will find the answer and try to be a better human being or rather say a better friend…

We the People

It was a very peaceful serene night in Goa when I just came out of a restaurant enjoying my dinner when my friend informed me about the Mumbai terror attacks. I just smiled and casually asked kitne mare? (how many died?) Being a Mumbaikar bomb blasts, terrorist, RDX, AK-47 are some words which are taught like ABCD to children due to emerging media. They are part and parcel of our lives so much so that, I really feel uncomfortable if there are no terror attacks for some time. It is an inner fear that if others have not died I will be next to die, but 26/11 was a different night it had a bit of uneasiness which was never felt before and then the mobile rang it was my father he had called up to say that he was fine and I should stay indoors. I casually joked with him as it was very rare of him to instruct me something as he always believed in giving me independence, but then I felt the uneasiness as if I could sense his feelings through phone. I rushed to my room to switch on the T.V. The uneasiness was very much true I could see the horrific pictures of Mumbai attacks. I felt numb, I was totally normal from outside but inside my fear had aggravated.

These attacks were not like other attacks which I had grown used to, this was going to last for a long time. These attacks didn’t have people dying in split seconds through a RDX, crude bomb or even a plane crashing onto them. These had humans torturing other humans every second. These attacks didn’t have relatives crying for dead victims but relatives dying, seeing those horrifying images on T.V. I had lived with the horror of seeing several dead bodies in Matunga train blasts a few years ago but it had lasted only for few minutes but this horror lasted for three days. These three days didn’t seem to end; every day when I went to sleep I prayed that next morning this trauma will get over but the prayer were heard only after three days when nine terrorist were killed, one caught for interrogation and all the sites cleared by NSG (National Security Guard).

Then started the Great Indian Blame Game, who was responsible for these attacks the list was huge from intelligence bureau who didn’t have enough information; to navy and coast guard which had flaws in co-ordination from Mumbai Police who had some tip off ;to our good old neighbor Pakistan which was responsible for all the bad deeds in India. It was blamed on Jehadi muslims to Pathans from Punjab province and then came the final nominee - Politicians. Yes, these are the same people who say ‘’aisse bade bade sehron main choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain’’ (such small things happen in big cities), these are the people who take film makers along with them to make a movie on this trauma, Oh yes these are the same people who comment that “even dogs will not ask you if you were not Major’s father” on a shaheed commandos father, this is also the same breed of animals that was after Hemant Karkare’s (shaheed ATS chief) life when he was alive and offered one crore rupees to his family when he died, these are also the people who roam with security guards worth total budget of Rs.250 crores, while Rs.180 crores is the budget kept for NSG to fight terror and protect the population of one billion. These are the people who ask for votes in these times of grief. Finally these are the people for whom WE the people of INDIA vote for. We make them our leaders to let them mooch on our lives. So the winner of great Indian Blame Game is an ordinary Indian or in simple word ‘we’.

I was shocked when this thought occurred to my mind but then I realized there was the culprit of all the problems of India as if an Eureka moment in this very sentence, it was a small one letter word known as ‘I’. This letter was responsible for all our problems, Yes it is our selfish nature that bribes the havaldar (police constable) when we break a rule. It is this letter that is responsible for giving respect and money to politicians to get our work done. This letter represents the selfish attitude that does not speak out when a woman like Jessica Lal is murdered in front of hundreds still it takes years to give justice to her soul. This individualistic mindset says “India main sab kuch chalta hai, apna kya jaata hai” (everthing is possible in India, how does it matter to us) .It’s high time that we realize the potential of ‘we’ in our lives and throw away the letter ‘I’. It is in our hands to make India a better place to live. If we stand united not only in these difficult times but also in happier times, it will make the terrorist think twice before stepping on our land.

Snippets from a wannabe filmmakers mind

Okk...now this is weird its the first time i am posting something publicly...Blog..what an invention?and my mind wanders to another great invention known as camera or what the Lumiere bros called the cinematograph...what a piece of work.I have neva touched a 35mm film camera but just being around it gives you a sense of power of creating your own world of being the creator.Yes you are right i want to be a filmmaker but i am different (yawn--everyone says that). No i swear i am different i don't want to be a steven spielberg or Ridley scott or even Martin Scorsese..then you would say i will take some hindi names like Raj Kapoor..Guru Dutt...Satyajit Ray...Austoush Gowarikar or Farhan Akhtar but no i don't even want to be like them...OK before your mind wanders towards Ramsay bros i don't want to follow any of the big names... I just want to be the creator...the power that camera gives you to act like God...though i am God fearing human i don't think anyone would miss such a chance.I neva realised the power of this tool until i made my first short film...i have to accept it was pathetic but than even Microsoft made many versions before launching Win 95 but once the film was made I realised it this is the thing i wanna pursue as my career (though I hate this word "career" but cant think of anything else)Then I wanted more and I landed a Assistant directors job with my best friends help (mind you resumes don't work in this industry only thing that works is contacts) so I got the job and was on cloud nine...I thought that it should be named as the best job but only before i went for the shoot.AD what a profile...10 days into the schedule and i think its the worst job where you have to do everything and still hear every one's galli. It is a job where u have to manage anything and everything u get frustrated..sick by people's attitude..the work load..u want to runway...u want a break...u miss ur friends...u cant eat properly..but then a ray of hope- when u look at others on the set everyone is so joyfully passionate (except for some lifelong unhappy souls). It looks like we all were small nuts and bolts in a big machine to churn out a fantasy world from our imagination...some worked as grease some were levers..while many other were gears supporting each other to work. Finally this machine will churn out a beautiful product known as movie...i know its shame to call it a product its more like a full grown baby whom u love whatever it does (i.e. flops or wins in box office) i know its getting a bit symbolical but for the final word on the experience as AD i think film making is all about putting this machinery together and pressing the start button...it all depends on how u join all this tools with experience, creativity and hard work...till then let me start my work on making this marvellous machine and creating my own baby